Things You Can Infer From My Appearance Now That I’m A Mother

Have I washed my hair?  A very good sign.  I have probably a) had someone by to help me with the babies, b) had a chance to take a nice, hot shower because Matt came home from work earlier than usual, or c) been able to sneak in the shower because the twins decided to take an extra-long nap.

Have I styled my hair and/or put on makeup?  Another encouraging sign.  This usually means I am feeling optimistic about the likelihood of leaving the house, or entertaining a guest of sorts. Alternatively, I could just be fed up with my hair looking awful, which is still encouraging, as it means I have yet to give up completely.  Hooray.

Have I let my hair air-dry into a big poufy mess?  Chances are you caught me looking like I look 95% of the time since the babies have come home.  Do not be offended – at least it means I showered.

Am I sporting overgrown, bushy brows?  Don’t judge, do you know how long it takes to properly shape unruly eyebrows?  FOREVER, and it takes concentration.  At least now I can pretend I’m just channeling Cara Delevigne.


“What? I obviously did this on purpose!”

Am I wearing maternity clothes even though I gave birth six months ago?  Whatever, it’s comfy and it fits.  At least I got dressed.

Have I answered the door with dirty hair, braless and in the pajamas I’ve probably been wearing for three days in a row?  I have officially given up.  It has been a rough day, and I am biding my time until it is over.  Your best option to maintain our relationship (and to keep me from bursting into tears) is to smile, tell me I’m doing a great job and that I look pretty, and maybe make me something to eat, as I have likely been subsisting off of Corn Flakes for a week.  (Note:  this is especially important if you happen to be the man who married and impregnated me.)


One thought on “Things You Can Infer From My Appearance Now That I’m A Mother

  1. Ok, that last comment is hilarious! Honestly I don’t think I’ve touched makeup more than three times since Logan was born and he’s 13 months old. You go super mom!

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