What NOT To Say To A Twin Mom

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Read “What NOT TO Say To A Twin Mom” and other posts about twins, preemies and motherhood at www.rockstarpreemies.com.

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9 thoughts on “What NOT To Say To A Twin Mom

  1. This post is so relatable. Being a parent of five not only do I get the exact questions but the silly ignorant remarks of having such a large family. My sarcasm can’t help but come into play sometimes when I’m baffled at how direct some strangers can be.

    • Mandy, your family is so beautiful! But I can imagine that you must get a lot of comments. I remember reading a comment once from a dad of eight children who said that people kind of stop congratulating you the same way when you get to baby number 6 or 7 or 8. We are definitely biased towards the 1 or 2 child family! But some of the coolest, most well-adjusted people I know come from large families. I think it would be a wonderful thing to grow up with lots of siblings, and I’m sure your kids will agree!

  2. I have 2 1/2 year old twin girls (fraternal). The comment we hear the most is, “Wow, you really have your hands full.” I usually want to reply with something like, “Yes, I do. Now, will you please hold the door for me?” Our twins are such a miracle that I try to just take it all in stride. I’ve never had so much attention out in public as I do while pushing a double stroller or carrying two toddlers in the pouring rain into a store. It’s almost as if people are so charmed by twins that they just have no idea what to say, but feel the need to say something. Enjoy your twins and congratulations! :)

    • HAHA – absolutely hold the door, people!!!! Nothing is worse than struggling to get your big ol’ stroller through big, heavy doors while people just stare at you uncomfortably. Now that Madeleine and Reid are a bit bigger, we DEFINITELY get more attention going out. It feels very strange!! But people do love twins, and they mean well. Now I just smile and say, “yep, twins are the best!” (people love hearing that and, hey, it’s true right?!)

  3. I do not have twins but three children. I get really crazy questions about my children….like “Are they ALL yours?,” “Are you the babysitter?,” “They look NOTHING like you!,” and the list goes on. People even go so far as to ask the children’s father’s ethnicity. Another favorite is “Wow, you really have your hands full!” to which I started responding years ago…”Yes, I do. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I think people feel compelled to say SOMETHING and don’t realize the impact of their words. I can appreciate your feelings of loss over their births. I do not labor normal & therefore, didn’t get to feel any of the “frenzy” as you put it either. Some say that is a blessing…but it isn’t. When you have grown up hearing about “normal” childbirth and know what is physically supposed to happen, you too have to go through a period of grieving. A period of grieving what will never be. It’s hard. My eldest is nine and it’s still a sensitive subject to discuss. I enjoyed reading your story. Thanks from one mom to another!

    • You’re right, Mae, it seems like people just want to say SOMETHING and that’s how these comments come about. I do think that people are honestly trying to be nice, but, yep, it kind of makes you feel like a freakshow (don’t get me STARTED on the stares I get now that I have a side-by-side double stroller!).

      I think grieving definitely is an accurate way to describe the process of dealing with having an atypical birth experience. There is this big story that surrounds the process of pregnancy and birth in our society (It will be amazing! A beautiful miracle! The best day of your life!), and when it doesn’t work out that way (as it does for so many women), it feels like a big loss. I think that’s why it’s important that we share our stories, because it helps to know that we aren’t alone in feeling the way we feel. Thanks for your comment!!!

  4. Awesome blog! My boy/girl (fraternal, haha) twins are now 22 years old and the questions never stop. I try to make the answers as funny as possible. For example, my son is now 6’3″ and my daughter is 5’4″, so instead of the old “identical” question, I now get, “no, they’re not REALLY twins, are they?” I answer with, yes…I promise you, I was there when they were born! And yes, I still get the “fertility method” question. I answer with, ummm no…I was 19. Neither one of them was on purpose!! Have fun and try to enjoy it. Twins are wonderful. You’ve been blessed with a lifetime of questions!!!

  5. Pingback: Congratulations, You’re Having Twins | Rockstar Preemies

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