Lie: “I’ll exercise before the kids get up and lose that baby weight in no time!”
Reality: No you won’t. You’ll wake up only when your child has been crying long enough that it’s clear he won’t be going back to bed. And if you’re really not a morning person, you might even train your children to go back to bed for an hour or two after their first bottle, for the sole purpose of getting more shut-eye yourself. (Not that I speak from experience. Ahem.)
Lie: “I will totally stay on top of the laundry and dirty bottles and I’ll even cook real meals every night!”
Reality: You will eat ramen noodles and dry toast standing up in your kitchen while staring at the mountain of dishes piled in your sink.
Lie: “I’ll have so much time on maternity leave, I’ll finally be able to stain the cabinets/reupholster the chair/insert household project here that I’ve been meaning to do for ages!”
Reality: Before your child is born, maternity leave will seem like a wonderful, extra-long vacation. But then you’ll give birth and your child will refuse to nap for longer than twenty minutes, and all you will want to spend those twenty minutes doing is zoning out in front of the TV (or showering, if you’re feeling ambitious).
Lie: “I will feed my child only homemade, organic purees!”
Reality: You will spend many an afternoon steaming sweet potatoes and carrots and mashing avocados, only to realize how much freaking easier it is to buy the damn jars for 62 cents a piece.
Lie: “I’ll still put effort into my appearance after the baby arrives!”
Reality: Some days, you won’t even change out of your pajamas.
Lie: “I’ll still be the same person, just with a baby!”
Reality: You will change completely, in ways you never thought possible. And it will be better than you ever dreamed it would be.